Self control

Every mile I feel more and more resistance. My bones, my gut, the roof of my mouth, I made the final stop. As I walked in I could feel the past still moving. The m95 mask and gloves were like wands of light in the air still glowing. The sandwiches were long gone and yellow caution tape is everywhere with suggestive signs every 6ft. I saw this part coming but I wasn't suppose to be here. The rash on my arm itches but I would never touch it in case it were to spread. If I have the self control to do this then why did I lose control before? Certain drugs cause me to lose all inhibition and rationality is a long afterthought. Fog, for miles, I could never see 2 feet in front of my face anyway. Trying to take a picture of signs that read "stay home", now read "not wearing a mask outside, fuggggeeethabooutit." Suddenly I feel sick, part of me wishes it was COVID19 creeping on me, it would be the lesser of the two to deal with and a better chance of recovery. I'm not sure that I like it here.  Nothing makes sense anymore, mistakes i've made are always lessons learned and never repeated but damn if I can't always make glorious new ones as if to discover new elements to place on the periodic table. Gold is fascinating isn't it, it's conductive and rarely corrodes. This makes gold perfect for outdoor use and electronics."The formation of rust on iron, tarnish on silver, and the blue-green patina that develops on copper are all examples of corrosion."Some historians even theorize that the tops of the pyramids in Egypt were made of gold... for what exactly?! Yeah, I know, too much and a lack of self control. My curiosity is more rational without external elemental influence, less likely to corrode, just like gold.